You know what's funny is that sometimes I have no idea what the purpose of my life is.
I gotta get back to my devotions. I think I'm starving myself in my walk and I feel like even if I don't become less confused or more confident or, you know, suddenly gain insight as to what I should do with my life in the next two years - the next two years, can you believe that? Two years from now I'll be in grad school. But anyway the point is that I'll feel so much less alone. I know this because I've experienced it before.
Somehow things don't seem so unattainable at the same time as they seem completely impossible. It's daunting, to feel like I should be able to do things and yet not know if I'm capable of pulling them off. Or, you know, whatever.
This weekend has been really amazing because it's given me some time to sit back and breathe, and somehow I'm right back to feeling stressed out because I think of the time I let myself take off and then I think of the things that I really ought to get done before the semester ramps up for this final crunch, and it's just overwhelming.
I think sometimes that life is supposed to be overwhelming. It's just supposed to be this big huge thing that stares you in the face and threatens to pound you into the ground, and you succeed if you can stare it right back down. So you know what, life? You can't beat me. Not this semester, not next semester, not when I'm a stressed out graduate student grading undergrad papers and sobbing over experiments that don't work. Because even when they don't work and I lose sleep over it and undergrads hound me for their papers back, I'm not going to give up.
The thing is that I've put too much into everything to give up. And miraculously, I've never stopped loving chemistry, not once along the way. I'm looking forward to a 15 credit semester come spring, with no labs for courses and afternoons to hand to FX so that I can continue this project. This project that was supposed to be completed quickly.
I guess that's what happens when it takes a couple of months to get in on the job and then instead of having 40 hours in the lab per week, I've got about six that I can squeeze out of my overly busy schedule. No, as much as I enjoy some few select things about this semester, I am not going to be sorry to see it go. At least, not as sorry as I usually am. I have this goofy thing about the passage of time. I have a hard time dealing.
So it's Saturday night, almost Sunday morning and I'm reclining on my bed in just the way I shouldn't because Mom thinks it's what put my back out -- I was in excruciating pain all week a week ago and couldn't lift my bag or anything and even a visit to Anna the chiropractor was not the miracle fix that it usually is -- but it is so darn comfortable. And Schubert is making little sleepy sighs down at the foot of my bed and I wrote up my genetics lab today - just a small victory, but it's something.
Also I finally found the Windows sidebar after some help from Steph, so I have the weather and a little daisy clock and sticky notes and this goofy slide-y puzzle, and also a to-do list gadget that I downloaded because I live and die by to-do lists but I still need to figure that out. Also, Pandora is quietly playing me classical music because I have been so darn antsy lately. It's playing Schubert now... too bad the Schu can't appreciate the irony. Or the coincidence? I've never been quite sure when it's appropriate to use the term "irony".
I don't feel bad, though. I feel like most people don't know when it's appropriate to use the term "irony" and an overwhelming majority of us say "well, that's ironic" when what we really mean is "what a coincidence", but we want to sound intellectual and not like that little seven-year-old grinning with missing teeth and crying "What a co-ink-ee-dink!"
Hahahaha I love it. I'm boycotting growing up. I plan to be that seven-year-old forever, although I want to keep all of my teeth and I never say co-ink-i-dink.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
Isn't it funny how songs speak to us? I mean, not funny, exactly, and not wholly unexpected either but somehow I feel so odd tonight.
I'm almost done with my fifth semester of college. It's been my most frustrating semester yet. I think it's going all right, and completely unexpectedly, I'm actually finding that my favorite course is microbiology. I'm spending some time visiting Caluwe and reacquainting myself with him, and I'm trying to keep my head above water for the rest of the semester, which... I mean, there's a week and a half left until Thanksgiving which totally floors me.
Whenever I sing the opening lines to "Touches You", I pretend I'm singing to Castello.
"you think you're better
that you're better than me
you blow me off as history
to avoid conversation
you're ignoring me"
I hate being ignored. I also have suddenly lost my drive to write which may or may not be a good thing. I'm tired this week. This semester is exhausting me.
I'm almost done with my fifth semester of college. It's been my most frustrating semester yet. I think it's going all right, and completely unexpectedly, I'm actually finding that my favorite course is microbiology. I'm spending some time visiting Caluwe and reacquainting myself with him, and I'm trying to keep my head above water for the rest of the semester, which... I mean, there's a week and a half left until Thanksgiving which totally floors me.
Whenever I sing the opening lines to "Touches You", I pretend I'm singing to Castello.
"you think you're better
that you're better than me
you blow me off as history
to avoid conversation
you're ignoring me"
I hate being ignored. I also have suddenly lost my drive to write which may or may not be a good thing. I'm tired this week. This semester is exhausting me.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tenth Post
He's back!! He's back he's back he's back!!
I am still making negative progress. Well, actually, I suppose negative progress would imply that I've found that I've done something wrong and I have to retool everything. No, I have no had to retrace any steps yet, so I guess I'm making no progress rather than negative progress. And when you put it like that, it sounds positively - well, positive!
Anyway, he seems just as puzzled as I am, which is nice in a way because it means that I'm not a complete idiot. Unfortunately, because of Dave's shifting alliances (I don't know if they're alliances or if they're shifting, but it certainly makes the whole situation sound slightly more exciting), we can't do many of the diagnostic tests that we'd like to do. Things like NMR at all, and more specifically, quantitative C-13, MS, possibly IR but really that's not Dave's domain.
Well anyway, this morning FX came in to visit me and he sat down and said, rather theatrically (for him... you see, for anyone else I'm sure it would have been relatively deadpan but I'm getting used to the way FX communicates), "I have finally returned." Then he wanted to see my NMR which, of course, was somewhat unhelpful.
Then I vacuum-pumped my sample and found that it was two-thirds less than its initial weight. That's always quite disheartening.
My teeth hurt again today. I'm not sure what sets them off, but it does make eating quite a painful ordeal.
Hahahaha okay so FX told me at least three hours ago that he'd be back in an hour. Whatever. I got the GC up and running finally - the pigheadedness triumphs again! - and I pulled another paper for lactonization and I think he might like this one better. They're just all under such dilute conditions.
So I'm sitting here, whiling away the time by reading and trying to actually select useful bits of information from the articles that I managed to find. It's kind of peaceful - and he knows as well as I do that we're pretty dead-ended right now. I could always do the second alkylation again, but he hasn't told me to and besides, the glassware isn't in the oven.
I'm listening to Regina Spektor because Gaby burned me a CD, and my favorite song is called "Human of the Year", not particularly because of the lyrics but because of the melody and the way it changes and somehow, at the same time, doesn't change at all and the way her voice soars through it and then suddenly ebbs away. There's something about her voice that grabs me.
I always feel like there's a sort of sarcastic, maybe even mysogynistic undertone to her songs that I never fully understand. Sometimes I wonder if artists or authors or directors or anyone in charge of any sort of media do that on purpose - bury something too deeply to really be anything but aware of it. Kind of like that huge rock in the ground that you spend days trying to dig out when you're a little kid but you never get any farther than deep grooves in the dirt that always come back to the stone.
But that's an unnecessary metaphor. All I'm saying is that I feel like there's something there that I'm not getting, which usually frustrates me but I think I've come to a place in my life - not necessarily a pivotal place - where I can sometimes just let things go because it's easier. In little tiny ways, like not knowing the layered meanings to Regina Spektor's bizarre lyrics.
Wow. Today has been the most bizarre day ever. FX is back, Dave is being semi-difficult because his instruments are all set up for solids, Chatterjee just cornered me in the hallway to ask me if I thought that if he told kids that he was dropping one of his exams (he only gives three!), it would be more fair (fairer?) than last year. Personally, I thought he was perfectly fair if a little lenient LAST year, so... I guess fair's fair. Abrams cornered me earlier to ask if I'd thought about being an undergrad TA for general chemistry lab.
FX actually asked me what classes I'm taking this semester! I don't know why it surprised me so much. I guess I was not expecting him to be so... small-talk-y. Maybe he still feels like he's on vacation. He just seems more approachable lately (not that I ever shy away from approaching, but you know what I mean) and it's nice. I like it. I missed him a lot and now that he's here I feel so relaxed even though I have only seven more days in the lab and who knows what's going to be accomplished by August 28?
I recently decided to let all of my fingernails grow out. I've been doing quite well about not biting them for quite a long time, but I left the fingernails on my pinkies to be bitten. It was kind of weird I guess to bit only those two nails, but for some reason it worked. Anyway, I decided not to bite my pinky nails - a conscious decision.
They've grown out a couple of millimeters, probably, and they look so funny to me! My hands don't look like my hands to me anymore. I guess that's really weird, as far as weird goes, but those two nails are changing the aesthetics of my entire (two) hand(s)! Because I do, you know, have two of them.
In any case, the day is done.
I am still making negative progress. Well, actually, I suppose negative progress would imply that I've found that I've done something wrong and I have to retool everything. No, I have no had to retrace any steps yet, so I guess I'm making no progress rather than negative progress. And when you put it like that, it sounds positively - well, positive!
Anyway, he seems just as puzzled as I am, which is nice in a way because it means that I'm not a complete idiot. Unfortunately, because of Dave's shifting alliances (I don't know if they're alliances or if they're shifting, but it certainly makes the whole situation sound slightly more exciting), we can't do many of the diagnostic tests that we'd like to do. Things like NMR at all, and more specifically, quantitative C-13, MS, possibly IR but really that's not Dave's domain.
Well anyway, this morning FX came in to visit me and he sat down and said, rather theatrically (for him... you see, for anyone else I'm sure it would have been relatively deadpan but I'm getting used to the way FX communicates), "I have finally returned." Then he wanted to see my NMR which, of course, was somewhat unhelpful.
Then I vacuum-pumped my sample and found that it was two-thirds less than its initial weight. That's always quite disheartening.
My teeth hurt again today. I'm not sure what sets them off, but it does make eating quite a painful ordeal.
Hahahaha okay so FX told me at least three hours ago that he'd be back in an hour. Whatever. I got the GC up and running finally - the pigheadedness triumphs again! - and I pulled another paper for lactonization and I think he might like this one better. They're just all under such dilute conditions.
So I'm sitting here, whiling away the time by reading and trying to actually select useful bits of information from the articles that I managed to find. It's kind of peaceful - and he knows as well as I do that we're pretty dead-ended right now. I could always do the second alkylation again, but he hasn't told me to and besides, the glassware isn't in the oven.
I'm listening to Regina Spektor because Gaby burned me a CD, and my favorite song is called "Human of the Year", not particularly because of the lyrics but because of the melody and the way it changes and somehow, at the same time, doesn't change at all and the way her voice soars through it and then suddenly ebbs away. There's something about her voice that grabs me.
I always feel like there's a sort of sarcastic, maybe even mysogynistic undertone to her songs that I never fully understand. Sometimes I wonder if artists or authors or directors or anyone in charge of any sort of media do that on purpose - bury something too deeply to really be anything but aware of it. Kind of like that huge rock in the ground that you spend days trying to dig out when you're a little kid but you never get any farther than deep grooves in the dirt that always come back to the stone.
But that's an unnecessary metaphor. All I'm saying is that I feel like there's something there that I'm not getting, which usually frustrates me but I think I've come to a place in my life - not necessarily a pivotal place - where I can sometimes just let things go because it's easier. In little tiny ways, like not knowing the layered meanings to Regina Spektor's bizarre lyrics.
Wow. Today has been the most bizarre day ever. FX is back, Dave is being semi-difficult because his instruments are all set up for solids, Chatterjee just cornered me in the hallway to ask me if I thought that if he told kids that he was dropping one of his exams (he only gives three!), it would be more fair (fairer?) than last year. Personally, I thought he was perfectly fair if a little lenient LAST year, so... I guess fair's fair. Abrams cornered me earlier to ask if I'd thought about being an undergrad TA for general chemistry lab.
FX actually asked me what classes I'm taking this semester! I don't know why it surprised me so much. I guess I was not expecting him to be so... small-talk-y. Maybe he still feels like he's on vacation. He just seems more approachable lately (not that I ever shy away from approaching, but you know what I mean) and it's nice. I like it. I missed him a lot and now that he's here I feel so relaxed even though I have only seven more days in the lab and who knows what's going to be accomplished by August 28?
I recently decided to let all of my fingernails grow out. I've been doing quite well about not biting them for quite a long time, but I left the fingernails on my pinkies to be bitten. It was kind of weird I guess to bit only those two nails, but for some reason it worked. Anyway, I decided not to bite my pinky nails - a conscious decision.
They've grown out a couple of millimeters, probably, and they look so funny to me! My hands don't look like my hands to me anymore. I guess that's really weird, as far as weird goes, but those two nails are changing the aesthetics of my entire (two) hand(s)! Because I do, you know, have two of them.
In any case, the day is done.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Ninth Post
I realize it has been a very long time since I have updated, oh loyal readers mine. I apologize. I suppose I have been tired and busy, busy and tired, and also I have been having SYTYCD parties. Luckily for you, the season finale for SYTYCD is tonight from 8:00-10:00, and after that I will be SYTYCD-free for approximately three weeks. That is a total guess. I have no idea when the fall season starts because I always fast-forward through Cat Deeley’s plugs.
Besides the fact that SYTYCD is ending and that I have been doing chemistry, I suppose there’s not all that much to be said about my life. Oh, right, except for the fact that FX has taken himself off to France for two weeks and left me here in the lab to fend for myself. “Treat it like independent research,” he says, trying to sound reassuring. I thought I would humor him; I didn’t point out that I’ve never done independent research before.
In any case, I’ll admit that he is good about emailing me back every night. He even answers my questions, as long as I format them like this:
Questions:
1. This is a question?
2. This is another question?
The question marks are rather perfunctory, because clearly, what I have written is a statement rather than a question, but if it is a question, it needs to be punctuated by a question mark. Hey, if you think about it, I’ve just handed you a catch-22! If it is a question, it is asking something and needs a question mark. However, it is clearly not a question because it doesn’t demand anything from anyone. The clear conclusion is just that I’m lying to you, and doing a pretty bad job of it.
Anyway, he answers the questions like that. He actually goes back into the body of my email and inserts his answers after the questions, like we did on little homework sheets back in high school and middle school and, oh, I suppose once in a while in college, too.
Dave Kiemle is quite put out with FX (“Fran”, he calls him, as in “How is chemistry going without Fran?” or “I need to send a nasty little email to Fran”) because Chris brought in a gypsy moth pheromone for some purpose that required that Dave work with it. Dave got mobbed by gypsy moths. It’s basically impossible to wash off a pheromone, so Dave has to live with being mobbed by gypsy moths for another couple of months or so. If I was Dave, I would be pretty unhappy, too.
It is halfway through Thursday right now, and lest you think I am not doing anything (that was what happened yesterday, due to circumstances nearly entirely out of my control – mainly that FX is 5 hours ahead of me), I am running mad distillations. That’s mad as in quantity, not emotion. In any case, I’ve kept relatively busy for four hours, which is more than I can say for yesterday.
Justine is quite pleased that FX is not here, because he scares her for some reason, and unfortunately, he seems to always pick the times when she has decided to pay me a visit to, well, pay me a visit. Now my lab can be a sort of refuge for her, because she knows that FX is not going to randomly drop by. Brendan doesn’t scare her because he’s friends with Jeremy, who is in her lab.
I really miss FX a lot, though. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit that, but I wish he’d come back so that he could conclusively tell me something, or offer me solid advice, rather than “use your judgment”. I don’t know. I guess I miss him coming in and jumping out of my skin – not because he’s here, but because the door slams JUST that loudly. I am not kidding you in the least here. It is an extremely loud door.
One of the nice things about this lab is that it is on the third floor, which is not only where Justine works, but is also all yellow. The second floor is turquoise, the fourth floor is salmon. But here, everything is kind of sunny yellow, which tends to bolster the spirits unless they’re lagging quite spectacularly, in which case it seems to be laughing at your misfortune.
Bad news of the day: the left channel of my earbuds has cut out entirely. This is extremely unfortunate. I feel like I’m the only person in the entire world who has this much trouble with earbuds. Maybe there’s something wrong with my ears. My ears break earbuds. Lame.
Anyway, here I am, waiting for my distillations to run and dreading having to run a column tomorrow for the products of the cleavage reaction – because that’s inevitably what is going to happen. It is going to make me fully appreciate flash filtration, I’m sure of that. There is no WAY I am doing a gravity column. I will think on my feet. I will make something happen. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I’ll do it.
I just keep reminding myself that the experience of having to improvise (only to a degree, you understand) and of being relatively unsupervised in the lab is going to have really awesome aftereffects down the road, because I keep getting ridiculously stressed out. I think, instead of stressing, I’m just going to not think about it. That tends to work pretty well for me. Nonconfrontationalism ought to be my middle name, but it’s much too long, and besides, Microsoft Word is protesting its status as a valid word.
Hahahaha!! I just found a substance in Aldrich that costs more than platinum oxide: 2’,3’-dideoxyinosine, which is a nucleotide antagonist and just so happens to cost $31 for ONE MILLIGRAM. How do you even package one mg? Awesome. I want a copy of this book.
Besides the fact that SYTYCD is ending and that I have been doing chemistry, I suppose there’s not all that much to be said about my life. Oh, right, except for the fact that FX has taken himself off to France for two weeks and left me here in the lab to fend for myself. “Treat it like independent research,” he says, trying to sound reassuring. I thought I would humor him; I didn’t point out that I’ve never done independent research before.
In any case, I’ll admit that he is good about emailing me back every night. He even answers my questions, as long as I format them like this:
Questions:
1. This is a question?
2. This is another question?
The question marks are rather perfunctory, because clearly, what I have written is a statement rather than a question, but if it is a question, it needs to be punctuated by a question mark. Hey, if you think about it, I’ve just handed you a catch-22! If it is a question, it is asking something and needs a question mark. However, it is clearly not a question because it doesn’t demand anything from anyone. The clear conclusion is just that I’m lying to you, and doing a pretty bad job of it.
Anyway, he answers the questions like that. He actually goes back into the body of my email and inserts his answers after the questions, like we did on little homework sheets back in high school and middle school and, oh, I suppose once in a while in college, too.
Dave Kiemle is quite put out with FX (“Fran”, he calls him, as in “How is chemistry going without Fran?” or “I need to send a nasty little email to Fran”) because Chris brought in a gypsy moth pheromone for some purpose that required that Dave work with it. Dave got mobbed by gypsy moths. It’s basically impossible to wash off a pheromone, so Dave has to live with being mobbed by gypsy moths for another couple of months or so. If I was Dave, I would be pretty unhappy, too.
It is halfway through Thursday right now, and lest you think I am not doing anything (that was what happened yesterday, due to circumstances nearly entirely out of my control – mainly that FX is 5 hours ahead of me), I am running mad distillations. That’s mad as in quantity, not emotion. In any case, I’ve kept relatively busy for four hours, which is more than I can say for yesterday.
Justine is quite pleased that FX is not here, because he scares her for some reason, and unfortunately, he seems to always pick the times when she has decided to pay me a visit to, well, pay me a visit. Now my lab can be a sort of refuge for her, because she knows that FX is not going to randomly drop by. Brendan doesn’t scare her because he’s friends with Jeremy, who is in her lab.
I really miss FX a lot, though. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit that, but I wish he’d come back so that he could conclusively tell me something, or offer me solid advice, rather than “use your judgment”. I don’t know. I guess I miss him coming in and jumping out of my skin – not because he’s here, but because the door slams JUST that loudly. I am not kidding you in the least here. It is an extremely loud door.
One of the nice things about this lab is that it is on the third floor, which is not only where Justine works, but is also all yellow. The second floor is turquoise, the fourth floor is salmon. But here, everything is kind of sunny yellow, which tends to bolster the spirits unless they’re lagging quite spectacularly, in which case it seems to be laughing at your misfortune.
Bad news of the day: the left channel of my earbuds has cut out entirely. This is extremely unfortunate. I feel like I’m the only person in the entire world who has this much trouble with earbuds. Maybe there’s something wrong with my ears. My ears break earbuds. Lame.
Anyway, here I am, waiting for my distillations to run and dreading having to run a column tomorrow for the products of the cleavage reaction – because that’s inevitably what is going to happen. It is going to make me fully appreciate flash filtration, I’m sure of that. There is no WAY I am doing a gravity column. I will think on my feet. I will make something happen. I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I’ll do it.
I just keep reminding myself that the experience of having to improvise (only to a degree, you understand) and of being relatively unsupervised in the lab is going to have really awesome aftereffects down the road, because I keep getting ridiculously stressed out. I think, instead of stressing, I’m just going to not think about it. That tends to work pretty well for me. Nonconfrontationalism ought to be my middle name, but it’s much too long, and besides, Microsoft Word is protesting its status as a valid word.
Hahahaha!! I just found a substance in Aldrich that costs more than platinum oxide: 2’,3’-dideoxyinosine, which is a nucleotide antagonist and just so happens to cost $31 for ONE MILLIGRAM. How do you even package one mg? Awesome. I want a copy of this book.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Eighth Post
Today is slightly more difficult than yesterday. It’s all in a different way, see, because I’m still sitting around while my reaction runs itself.
No, today I have hit a couple of obstacles.
The first was easy enough, albeit frustrating. We thought we had an unopened bottle of butyllithium. We don’t. So I went downstairs and ordered a new (unopened) bottle of butyllithium. Luckily, I’m only going to have to wait probably two days for it (counting today, and possibly part of Thursday?).
Now I’ve been asked to find conditions to separate this photochemically oxidized product from the solvent, which is toluene. Well, okay. I can look those up. So far, I have a set of general conditions that give me guidelines, and a reference that I can’t get but that FX possibly has. So that’s marked off the list.
The last instruction I have is to locate platinum oxide. If I can’t locate it, we’ll have to order it. I’m not sure what we’re using it for. I know it’s used for hydrogenation; I’m just not sure what we’re hydrogenating. So I went down to Gitsov’s lab, only it’s locked and I don’t really want to bang on the door. Not right now. Maybe later, after FX and I reconvene.
But I really want to find some, see, because it’s platinum. Let me try to explain: for 250mg (that’s like a quarter of a paper clip), Aldrich charges $50.50. That’s some pricey stuff. So I’m really hoping I can find it, because in the meantime, I’m not really doing much. I crunched some numbers, I found some conditions… I have to ask FX what constitutes a needle valve… or I could google it. Hey, sometimes I have good ideas!
I googled it, and I’m still not sure where to find it in here. I can’t even remember if I’ve seen it before. Oh well… I guess I’ll just ask him when I see him again. Hopefully I see him again.
So I just went and banged on Gitsov’s lab door, only the student in there has got ear buds in, so she can’t hear me. Since I didn’t want to disturb the entire floor, I guess I can put off that particular adventure a few more minutes. I don’t really know where to check for platinum oxide.
Okay. I gained entrance to Gitsov’s lab, and there was no platinum oxide to be found. I should check Giner’s lab… ugh.
All right, definitely just went up to Giner’s lab, and there was no one there. I decided against just letting myself in, and now I’m back here, waiting the remaining 27 minutes for this reaction to end and then I can make up a sample and run it on the GC. Then I’ll have absolutely nothing to do, which will be… almost no different from right now, because right now I’m being faintly productive by running the reaction. Even though I’m not doing anything.
Okay so a lot has happened now, I guess. Timing between paragraph breaks varies greatly. My reaction has finished, I ran it on the GC, the results mean nothing to me, and whatever they mean to FX has not yet been imparted to me. I began distilling off the toluene under a vacuum. Oh, and I ran into Giner, who has platinum oxide and is loathe to part with it. FX said he’d take care of it. Hahahahahahaha.
So now I’m distilling, which is rather like running the photochemical reaction because I’m not actually doing anything, but it is slightly more hands-on in that I have a little needle valve that I’m supposed to open if I see any bumping. There has not been any bumping, but it is a quarter to four and I still have something like 750ml to distill down. So… who knows. But if I don’t finish today, it’s not a big deal I guess because I can just finish tomorrow. FX has to go to the vet anyway. With his dog, of course.
Oops. Well, I forgot to post this when I got home, but I still have half an hour of today left. I’m out, then. Gotta shower, let the dogs out, and scoop up eight hours of sleep before heading out again.
No, today I have hit a couple of obstacles.
The first was easy enough, albeit frustrating. We thought we had an unopened bottle of butyllithium. We don’t. So I went downstairs and ordered a new (unopened) bottle of butyllithium. Luckily, I’m only going to have to wait probably two days for it (counting today, and possibly part of Thursday?).
Now I’ve been asked to find conditions to separate this photochemically oxidized product from the solvent, which is toluene. Well, okay. I can look those up. So far, I have a set of general conditions that give me guidelines, and a reference that I can’t get but that FX possibly has. So that’s marked off the list.
The last instruction I have is to locate platinum oxide. If I can’t locate it, we’ll have to order it. I’m not sure what we’re using it for. I know it’s used for hydrogenation; I’m just not sure what we’re hydrogenating. So I went down to Gitsov’s lab, only it’s locked and I don’t really want to bang on the door. Not right now. Maybe later, after FX and I reconvene.
But I really want to find some, see, because it’s platinum. Let me try to explain: for 250mg (that’s like a quarter of a paper clip), Aldrich charges $50.50. That’s some pricey stuff. So I’m really hoping I can find it, because in the meantime, I’m not really doing much. I crunched some numbers, I found some conditions… I have to ask FX what constitutes a needle valve… or I could google it. Hey, sometimes I have good ideas!
I googled it, and I’m still not sure where to find it in here. I can’t even remember if I’ve seen it before. Oh well… I guess I’ll just ask him when I see him again. Hopefully I see him again.
So I just went and banged on Gitsov’s lab door, only the student in there has got ear buds in, so she can’t hear me. Since I didn’t want to disturb the entire floor, I guess I can put off that particular adventure a few more minutes. I don’t really know where to check for platinum oxide.
Okay. I gained entrance to Gitsov’s lab, and there was no platinum oxide to be found. I should check Giner’s lab… ugh.
All right, definitely just went up to Giner’s lab, and there was no one there. I decided against just letting myself in, and now I’m back here, waiting the remaining 27 minutes for this reaction to end and then I can make up a sample and run it on the GC. Then I’ll have absolutely nothing to do, which will be… almost no different from right now, because right now I’m being faintly productive by running the reaction. Even though I’m not doing anything.
Okay so a lot has happened now, I guess. Timing between paragraph breaks varies greatly. My reaction has finished, I ran it on the GC, the results mean nothing to me, and whatever they mean to FX has not yet been imparted to me. I began distilling off the toluene under a vacuum. Oh, and I ran into Giner, who has platinum oxide and is loathe to part with it. FX said he’d take care of it. Hahahahahahaha.
So now I’m distilling, which is rather like running the photochemical reaction because I’m not actually doing anything, but it is slightly more hands-on in that I have a little needle valve that I’m supposed to open if I see any bumping. There has not been any bumping, but it is a quarter to four and I still have something like 750ml to distill down. So… who knows. But if I don’t finish today, it’s not a big deal I guess because I can just finish tomorrow. FX has to go to the vet anyway. With his dog, of course.
Oops. Well, I forgot to post this when I got home, but I still have half an hour of today left. I’m out, then. Gotta shower, let the dogs out, and scoop up eight hours of sleep before heading out again.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Seventh Post
I’m sitting at my desk – MY desk! in a lab! – and trying to read a paper. Only, I guess I’m not really trying that hard right now because I’m clearly writing this.
Wow, seriously, the internet is so frustrating up here. I guess I’m not well-versed in patience with computers anymore because I’ve finally trashed that old ThinkPad from high school and bought this new laptop, which runs like a dream (although, one could extrapolate that any new laptop would run like a dream when compared with the old laptop). But I thought I’d look up a paper, almost just for the heck of it, and I can’t get onto SciFinder because I need an internet connection.
I brought raspberries today, in a little Tupperware container, and in general, I just feel quite pleased with myself. I was getting a little stressed at the end of last week, but I haven’t broken the GC and I even know how to use it now, so basically I just get done whatever FX tells me to do, and when I’m not doing that, I’m trying to restore some order to this long-abandoned lab. Or possibly I’m blogging. Oops.
FX has gone for a run, he told me, and I’m to read this paper and get a GC and set up the UV lamp and get an NMR. So far I’ve done almost three of the four things… I haven’t finished the paper, and I hate to go downstairs and fiddle with the NMR if I can’t find Kiemle. I should get back on the paper. The NMR is not necessarily of the utmost importance, but if he asks for it, I try to get it done. Usually that technique works pretty well. Maybe I’ll run back downstairs and see if I can find Kiemle (or, you know, even get into the ICP lab and the NMR… sub-lab?).
I finished reading the paper, and it told me absolutely nothing, because its starting point was our desired ending point. You can’t always get what you want? But I’m going to ask FX if he happens to have a different article from the same journal, listed in the references. Hopefully the answer will be yes, and even more hopefully the paper will actually help with whatever it is I’m supposed to be finding. Actually, I’m really not sure why exactly I’m looking for this particular paper. I’ll have to look back at the old one and figure out what hole was there that he wanted filled.
I ran back down to the NMR lab just now… and had absolutely no luck whatsoever. I think it’s locked, maybe, or else I’m an idiot, because I couldn’t open the door. It would push partway in, and then something caught, I think, and I didn’t really force it. So I guess I’ll have to wait on that. I should run a GC on the toluene, then, because at least I’ll have something to show FX upon his return. I’m not really in a hurry. Today is very relaxed. I’m going to check… maybe today in the afternoon? But definitely tomorrow morning, to see if my chemicals are in for step 2. Which, by the way, I’m terrified of doing because this is a procedure that I’ve honestly never even come close to attempting, and it involves many dangerous things. Hey, maybe it’ll be fun. Acid doesn’t scare me anymore (disclaimer: that does not mean I’m not careful. I don’t like the idea of acid burns).
Okay, the toluene is now officially on the GC… so I have about half an hour to wait until it gets done. Today I at least remembered my mp3 player, which I did not remember on Friday, but I forgot my headphones so it doesn’t do me as much good as it could. I do, however, have it for the car, which we really shouldn’t discount.
Oh ho! My chemicals are in! Of course, I still have no idea how to do the next step of the procedure, but I will probably be doing it, oh, tomorrow.
Hahahaha okay I’m typing in gloves now. They’re pretty cute. They’re purple. I’m running samples on the GC and also a photochemical reaction that I knew nothing about until possibly Friday, mostly today. Of course, these things that I’m running are running themselves, in essence, so I’m just sitting around for another hour and fifteen minutes, occasionally changing whatever’s running on the GC.
It always gets difficult when I run things on the GC and I have more than one thing to run. Time management is of the essence, or something. But I think it’ll be okay… as long as this next sample I’m running actually shows what I need it to show. For the GC, I basically want a 0.1% solution, or 1 gram per liter. My original has 2 grams per liter, so I do a 2:1 dilution in the GC solvent (pentane). This means that the toluene peak is going to be huge, but it should also mean that I get a “regular” sized ionone peak. Here’s hoping.
FX is so cute sometimes. Today he informed me that beta-ionone is actually the smell of violets and was the original perfume in Elizabethan times. Then he was helping me set up the photochemical reactor (which consists of a couple of really cool glass pieces and a UV lamp and tons of aluminum foil) and he went to turn on the UV lamp to see if it worked. Prior to this, he had informed me that this lamp embodies the “don’t look directly at the sun” thing about three hundred times over. It will photolyze my retinas. Since I like my retinas, I’m being pretty careful. So he goes to turn it on, hesitates, looks at me and goes, “Don’t look… turn around.” He informed me when I could turn back around. For some reason I thought that was pretty adorable.
Then, when the whole reaction was actually set up and ready to go (I taped foil all over the glass paneling that covers the hood), he let me know that we could tell that the UV lamp was on and working because we could see a little glow around the edges of the tin foil. “You should be okay,” he says, “as long as you don’t sit here and stare at it.” The best part is that he really was not even joking at all. I can’t help it. I think it’s hysterical.
So anyway, my sample is off of the GC now and it’s cooling down so that I can insert my next sample; it should be ready in ten minutes or so. I’m praying that this one works, because if it doesn’t, I’m screwed. Because I… well, I guess I could always just make up some more starting solution. I have a ton of toluene and of beta-ionone, and this actually doesn’t smell (well, I guess the toluene does, so that’s not strictly true). But I won’t really have time to run it again. FX wants me to call him around 5 or so. It’ll probably be a little later… 5:15 or 5:30, because it will take a couple of minutes to prepare the sample. I don’t mind staying a little lateish. It’s nice to have a whole lab to myself. It’s nicer than last summer!
I just put my corrected dilution onto the GC, and here’s me praying my brains out (my soul out?) that it works, because I don’t have any more of the original sample. But, like I said, no real reason to freak out. Except that I’m supposed to call FX. But other than that. Oh man. I guess you could say I’m a little antsy about this, but I have to find something else to occupy myself with because sitting there, glued to the GC is not going to do wonderful things for my nerves. And sitting here, talking about how I’m avoiding it for that reason is kind of circumnavigating the entire point, because it’s stressing me out. And I was doing so well with not stressing today, too.
My chemicals came from Aldrich today! Christina texted me and told me some packages were here, so I moseyed on down and took a look, and they were, indeed, mine. So that was pretty exciting. I have some chemicals. They’re sitting on the counter, because FX says that I don’t need to refrigerate them overnight. I wonder if that means I’m going to be using them tomorrow? Because we really haven’t discussed what’s happening tomorrow in any detail, except that the hood that I would be using is currently filled with deadly, blinding UV light. It sounds way more exciting than it actually is, I promise. I’m actually in absolutely no danger at all, and I’m sitting here with Rhapsody on shuffle, which is only minutely less cool than having my mp3 player on shuffle. But I guess since Brendan is usually in Donaghy’s lab these days, it’s basically the same as keeping my music to myself.
Ugh I’m so nervous about this sample on the GC. The numbers work. I just have to keep telling myself that. The numbers work. THE NUMBERS WORK. Ugh. I have to stop thinking about it but I don’t really know what to do instead. I just peeked. It looks very toluene-y. I haven’t seen any beta-ionone come out yet, so I’m not really sure… but it’s not time for it to come out quite yet, anyway. Also I’m nervous to call FX, because I am weird. And hate phones.
MAHAHAHAHAH YES. I may be going completely insane and laughing maniacally, but my solution worked. Eat it, you old GC (I’m laughing again now, because that’s kind of what the GC does, after all). I can make you work by sheer pigheadedness, and then laugh about it afterwards! And anyway, I wasn’t all that sane to begin with.
Okay, seriously? If EvergreenX asks me for information in order to connect one more time and doesn’t connect, I’m going to… well, there’s actually not much I can threaten. I don’t know where exactly to go to find a router to smash, or at least reboot. AUGH. STOP. It’s the most obnoxious bubble. I just print-screened it so that I can embed it in this entry, if I remember to. Hopefully that is, indeed, the case. Mahahaha. I’m still chuckling about my victory.
Heh heh. This was always here. Of course I didn't forget.
Made up that last sample, stopped the irradiation, it’s in the GC… I’m almost done. Woohoo!
DONE AND HOME. WHADDUP.
Wow, seriously, the internet is so frustrating up here. I guess I’m not well-versed in patience with computers anymore because I’ve finally trashed that old ThinkPad from high school and bought this new laptop, which runs like a dream (although, one could extrapolate that any new laptop would run like a dream when compared with the old laptop). But I thought I’d look up a paper, almost just for the heck of it, and I can’t get onto SciFinder because I need an internet connection.
I brought raspberries today, in a little Tupperware container, and in general, I just feel quite pleased with myself. I was getting a little stressed at the end of last week, but I haven’t broken the GC and I even know how to use it now, so basically I just get done whatever FX tells me to do, and when I’m not doing that, I’m trying to restore some order to this long-abandoned lab. Or possibly I’m blogging. Oops.
FX has gone for a run, he told me, and I’m to read this paper and get a GC and set up the UV lamp and get an NMR. So far I’ve done almost three of the four things… I haven’t finished the paper, and I hate to go downstairs and fiddle with the NMR if I can’t find Kiemle. I should get back on the paper. The NMR is not necessarily of the utmost importance, but if he asks for it, I try to get it done. Usually that technique works pretty well. Maybe I’ll run back downstairs and see if I can find Kiemle (or, you know, even get into the ICP lab and the NMR… sub-lab?).
I finished reading the paper, and it told me absolutely nothing, because its starting point was our desired ending point. You can’t always get what you want? But I’m going to ask FX if he happens to have a different article from the same journal, listed in the references. Hopefully the answer will be yes, and even more hopefully the paper will actually help with whatever it is I’m supposed to be finding. Actually, I’m really not sure why exactly I’m looking for this particular paper. I’ll have to look back at the old one and figure out what hole was there that he wanted filled.
I ran back down to the NMR lab just now… and had absolutely no luck whatsoever. I think it’s locked, maybe, or else I’m an idiot, because I couldn’t open the door. It would push partway in, and then something caught, I think, and I didn’t really force it. So I guess I’ll have to wait on that. I should run a GC on the toluene, then, because at least I’ll have something to show FX upon his return. I’m not really in a hurry. Today is very relaxed. I’m going to check… maybe today in the afternoon? But definitely tomorrow morning, to see if my chemicals are in for step 2. Which, by the way, I’m terrified of doing because this is a procedure that I’ve honestly never even come close to attempting, and it involves many dangerous things. Hey, maybe it’ll be fun. Acid doesn’t scare me anymore (disclaimer: that does not mean I’m not careful. I don’t like the idea of acid burns).
Okay, the toluene is now officially on the GC… so I have about half an hour to wait until it gets done. Today I at least remembered my mp3 player, which I did not remember on Friday, but I forgot my headphones so it doesn’t do me as much good as it could. I do, however, have it for the car, which we really shouldn’t discount.
Oh ho! My chemicals are in! Of course, I still have no idea how to do the next step of the procedure, but I will probably be doing it, oh, tomorrow.
Hahahaha okay I’m typing in gloves now. They’re pretty cute. They’re purple. I’m running samples on the GC and also a photochemical reaction that I knew nothing about until possibly Friday, mostly today. Of course, these things that I’m running are running themselves, in essence, so I’m just sitting around for another hour and fifteen minutes, occasionally changing whatever’s running on the GC.
It always gets difficult when I run things on the GC and I have more than one thing to run. Time management is of the essence, or something. But I think it’ll be okay… as long as this next sample I’m running actually shows what I need it to show. For the GC, I basically want a 0.1% solution, or 1 gram per liter. My original has 2 grams per liter, so I do a 2:1 dilution in the GC solvent (pentane). This means that the toluene peak is going to be huge, but it should also mean that I get a “regular” sized ionone peak. Here’s hoping.
FX is so cute sometimes. Today he informed me that beta-ionone is actually the smell of violets and was the original perfume in Elizabethan times. Then he was helping me set up the photochemical reactor (which consists of a couple of really cool glass pieces and a UV lamp and tons of aluminum foil) and he went to turn on the UV lamp to see if it worked. Prior to this, he had informed me that this lamp embodies the “don’t look directly at the sun” thing about three hundred times over. It will photolyze my retinas. Since I like my retinas, I’m being pretty careful. So he goes to turn it on, hesitates, looks at me and goes, “Don’t look… turn around.” He informed me when I could turn back around. For some reason I thought that was pretty adorable.
Then, when the whole reaction was actually set up and ready to go (I taped foil all over the glass paneling that covers the hood), he let me know that we could tell that the UV lamp was on and working because we could see a little glow around the edges of the tin foil. “You should be okay,” he says, “as long as you don’t sit here and stare at it.” The best part is that he really was not even joking at all. I can’t help it. I think it’s hysterical.
So anyway, my sample is off of the GC now and it’s cooling down so that I can insert my next sample; it should be ready in ten minutes or so. I’m praying that this one works, because if it doesn’t, I’m screwed. Because I… well, I guess I could always just make up some more starting solution. I have a ton of toluene and of beta-ionone, and this actually doesn’t smell (well, I guess the toluene does, so that’s not strictly true). But I won’t really have time to run it again. FX wants me to call him around 5 or so. It’ll probably be a little later… 5:15 or 5:30, because it will take a couple of minutes to prepare the sample. I don’t mind staying a little lateish. It’s nice to have a whole lab to myself. It’s nicer than last summer!
I just put my corrected dilution onto the GC, and here’s me praying my brains out (my soul out?) that it works, because I don’t have any more of the original sample. But, like I said, no real reason to freak out. Except that I’m supposed to call FX. But other than that. Oh man. I guess you could say I’m a little antsy about this, but I have to find something else to occupy myself with because sitting there, glued to the GC is not going to do wonderful things for my nerves. And sitting here, talking about how I’m avoiding it for that reason is kind of circumnavigating the entire point, because it’s stressing me out. And I was doing so well with not stressing today, too.
My chemicals came from Aldrich today! Christina texted me and told me some packages were here, so I moseyed on down and took a look, and they were, indeed, mine. So that was pretty exciting. I have some chemicals. They’re sitting on the counter, because FX says that I don’t need to refrigerate them overnight. I wonder if that means I’m going to be using them tomorrow? Because we really haven’t discussed what’s happening tomorrow in any detail, except that the hood that I would be using is currently filled with deadly, blinding UV light. It sounds way more exciting than it actually is, I promise. I’m actually in absolutely no danger at all, and I’m sitting here with Rhapsody on shuffle, which is only minutely less cool than having my mp3 player on shuffle. But I guess since Brendan is usually in Donaghy’s lab these days, it’s basically the same as keeping my music to myself.
Ugh I’m so nervous about this sample on the GC. The numbers work. I just have to keep telling myself that. The numbers work. THE NUMBERS WORK. Ugh. I have to stop thinking about it but I don’t really know what to do instead. I just peeked. It looks very toluene-y. I haven’t seen any beta-ionone come out yet, so I’m not really sure… but it’s not time for it to come out quite yet, anyway. Also I’m nervous to call FX, because I am weird. And hate phones.
MAHAHAHAHAH YES. I may be going completely insane and laughing maniacally, but my solution worked. Eat it, you old GC (I’m laughing again now, because that’s kind of what the GC does, after all). I can make you work by sheer pigheadedness, and then laugh about it afterwards! And anyway, I wasn’t all that sane to begin with.
Okay, seriously? If EvergreenX asks me for information in order to connect one more time and doesn’t connect, I’m going to… well, there’s actually not much I can threaten. I don’t know where exactly to go to find a router to smash, or at least reboot. AUGH. STOP. It’s the most obnoxious bubble. I just print-screened it so that I can embed it in this entry, if I remember to. Hopefully that is, indeed, the case. Mahahaha. I’m still chuckling about my victory.
Heh heh. This was always here. Of course I didn't forget.
Made up that last sample, stopped the irradiation, it’s in the GC… I’m almost done. Woohoo!
DONE AND HOME. WHADDUP.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Sixth Post
Now, I promise, the novelty hasn't worn off. It's just that I started actually working on Monday and I've been so exhausted this past week that I don't have the energy or the brainpower when I come home to do much of anything but lie around and watch TV (whether actually via a television or via the internet is of little concern).
So today I'm sitting in the lab, and I would never be so flippant as to actually blog when I was supposed to be doing work. No, believe it or not, I am doing work as I type. It's akin to making ice, really, this "running samples on the GC" business. Basically I inject the sample and then wait half an hour. Since I haven't got much else to actually DO today, I'm running samples on the GC. And also blogging. What a deal.
FX came in to talk to me a minute ago. I love when he does that, hahaha... he just comes and sits down and launches into some sort of talk or other and I just kind of keep up. Sometimes I hang on for dear life, but I was okay just now. Although now I have to run the pheromone that I ran yesterday again, because the NMR looked so good. The GC did not. So... I guess here we go, amirite?! If everything goes off sort of without a hitch, I'm hoping that I can leave by a little after 4:00 or at least quarter to 5:00, because I'm going with Mom and Laura to pick up Jon from camp. And we need all three cars tonight (not including my reverse commute home).
I guess today did end up going kind of fast. Funny how that happens... even on slow days, the day goes fast. Part of that is stress, because this job is worlds apart from last summer's job. Last summer I was doing a job that was not difficult, and in general, I had an awful lot of supervision and "here's how you do this". Here, I'm expected to have a fairly good working knowledge of an awful lot of things. It's almost like if I've been told once, I shouldn't have to be told again. So I'm doing pretty well, I think, but you know...
Anyway, the very exciting discovery of today (besides that I didn't break the GC) is that I can get SciFinder on my laptop as long as I'm on campus!! This means that I don't have to make it to the library before closing time (which, on Fridays, is noon). I just have to jockey for a license with everyone else in the building. But hey, I'd be doing that whether I was at Moon or sitting right here. Speaking of sitting right here, it's freezing in here. Justine was saying the other day that she didn't think they were using the air conditioning.
Well, let me just tell YOU, the airconditioning is undebatably on today. I had to go down to my car to grab my hoodie, that's how cold it is. And it's not even cold outside at all. It's very warm. It's very nice. It's even sunny! So hey, how about that. I can't wait to go walk outside in the sun and drive home even though I left my mp3 player in its charging base / speakers this morning so I can't have Mika. And I really want Mika. Boo. I guess Journey will have to suffice. Or I could do the Bon Jovi thing again.
So here's hoping that I just have to do two more samples (two more including the one that I injected five minutes or so ago). Then I could definitely leave on time... but I should probably get all of the papers that I had printed today kind of in order, so I'm not insane later when I'm trying to figure out what the heck is going on. But, uck, I just checked the tetradecane sample that I put on the column and it came out basically at the same place as the decane, which doesn't seem right at all. It should have come out a lot later.
Well, whatever, I guess. I can always run them again on Monday if he wants me to. He might not even remember about them. I mean, they're just for the purpose of ascertaining whether or not the GC is actually working. I want to run this moth pheromone already! And then I'm all done for today. I feel sort of accomplished, because I finished the week and didn't drop dead from sheer exhaustion.
So today I'm sitting in the lab, and I would never be so flippant as to actually blog when I was supposed to be doing work. No, believe it or not, I am doing work as I type. It's akin to making ice, really, this "running samples on the GC" business. Basically I inject the sample and then wait half an hour. Since I haven't got much else to actually DO today, I'm running samples on the GC. And also blogging. What a deal.
FX came in to talk to me a minute ago. I love when he does that, hahaha... he just comes and sits down and launches into some sort of talk or other and I just kind of keep up. Sometimes I hang on for dear life, but I was okay just now. Although now I have to run the pheromone that I ran yesterday again, because the NMR looked so good. The GC did not. So... I guess here we go, amirite?! If everything goes off sort of without a hitch, I'm hoping that I can leave by a little after 4:00 or at least quarter to 5:00, because I'm going with Mom and Laura to pick up Jon from camp. And we need all three cars tonight (not including my reverse commute home).
I guess today did end up going kind of fast. Funny how that happens... even on slow days, the day goes fast. Part of that is stress, because this job is worlds apart from last summer's job. Last summer I was doing a job that was not difficult, and in general, I had an awful lot of supervision and "here's how you do this". Here, I'm expected to have a fairly good working knowledge of an awful lot of things. It's almost like if I've been told once, I shouldn't have to be told again. So I'm doing pretty well, I think, but you know...
Anyway, the very exciting discovery of today (besides that I didn't break the GC) is that I can get SciFinder on my laptop as long as I'm on campus!! This means that I don't have to make it to the library before closing time (which, on Fridays, is noon). I just have to jockey for a license with everyone else in the building. But hey, I'd be doing that whether I was at Moon or sitting right here. Speaking of sitting right here, it's freezing in here. Justine was saying the other day that she didn't think they were using the air conditioning.
Well, let me just tell YOU, the airconditioning is undebatably on today. I had to go down to my car to grab my hoodie, that's how cold it is. And it's not even cold outside at all. It's very warm. It's very nice. It's even sunny! So hey, how about that. I can't wait to go walk outside in the sun and drive home even though I left my mp3 player in its charging base / speakers this morning so I can't have Mika. And I really want Mika. Boo. I guess Journey will have to suffice. Or I could do the Bon Jovi thing again.
So here's hoping that I just have to do two more samples (two more including the one that I injected five minutes or so ago). Then I could definitely leave on time... but I should probably get all of the papers that I had printed today kind of in order, so I'm not insane later when I'm trying to figure out what the heck is going on. But, uck, I just checked the tetradecane sample that I put on the column and it came out basically at the same place as the decane, which doesn't seem right at all. It should have come out a lot later.
Well, whatever, I guess. I can always run them again on Monday if he wants me to. He might not even remember about them. I mean, they're just for the purpose of ascertaining whether or not the GC is actually working. I want to run this moth pheromone already! And then I'm all done for today. I feel sort of accomplished, because I finished the week and didn't drop dead from sheer exhaustion.
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