It's been two days. I don't know what I'm feeling.
I'm finally tired. I think my nervous energy has worn off. Now I'm just dreading my mile-long to-do list.
Schubert seems to think my feet are tasty tonight and he is just going for it. It tickles.
I guess I should try to be productive for a while tonight. I just... I dunno. Life moves fast. Usually I hate posting short entries. I figure if I am going to write something, I might as well have something to say. Well, I guess I'll say a bit of something, then.
Things are okay. I had food with Justine today. It was nice to talk to her. I hung out with Christina, too. I think I'm trying not to think lately. I'm feeling really overwhelmed.
Oops - Schubert just heard something and went padding off. I wish he'd come back.
I need to update my to-do list.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Saturday mornings are nice. They are nearly as nice as Friday nights. They are ripe with promises, and they mean that I can let myself slowly drift upwards out of a thoroughly satisfying sleep. When I look in the mirror, my eyes look contentedly sleepy instead of miserably exhausted, even though both options come with puffiness.
Schu was still sleeping when I woke up, which is sort of a rarity for him; he hadn't been downstairs because my door was still closed. I got a little too hot as I came out of it, because I sleep under a comforter, a down duvet, a blanket and a sheet, so I tossed the lot over by the corner by my shoulder, and they came crashing down on Schu. A few moments later I heard some wriggling and when I looked over, he'd angled himself so that his chin was resting on the overlapped blankets and he was looking right back at me.
I'm hungry. I'm really quite hungry, but I'm loathe to begin the day because Saturdays just fly. Christina and I are going to Sweet Treats for ice cream tonight, and then we're going to walk the park a little and talk. I guess this Saturday is going to fly whether or not I go and eat breakfast. What do I want to do today? Distract myself and be somewhat productive in the process: this means, of course, that I will end up cleaning my room. Not such a bad thing, especially as my clothes are not at all organized right now and there is no room for my jeans.
I actually think that mid 60s to low 70s is about the perfect temperature, because I don't like to wear shorts. I like to get away with jeans and tank tops, or hoodies and flip flops. And the sleeping temperatures have been perfect lately -- cold enough that with the windows open I can just snuggle into my covers and I don't have to try to escape from Schu, who nestles into my legs and radiates heat.
My room is quite far from put-back-together.
There are a lot of things banging around in my head right now, but maybe now is not the time to try and corral them to get them out. They'll just come back anyway. Things are just not the same anymore now that I'm a senior and Justine is a grad student and suddenly there's this huge chasm between us that we're both hesitant about and it's so stupid! SO STUPID. I hate it, hahaha.
Had lunch with Hemler on Thursday. Discovered a number of things that I thought were true and then thought were not true and now they've been confirmed true. Maybe it's bad that I feel vindicated over the whole thing, but I do. Anyway, it was nice. I rode along with her to see her in-progress house in Pompey. It was fun. The sky was pretty - dappled with clouds, white on blue... we rarely see the blue, really, especially since I was away for the summer - and it was nice to just ride.
Riding is sort of calming, weirdly enough. I never thought I'd be someone who could say she clears her head in the car, but I did. It was good. It was nice to catch up.
I dunno... this isn't going anywhere anymore. I should go eat some breakfast and let Saturday fly.
Schu was still sleeping when I woke up, which is sort of a rarity for him; he hadn't been downstairs because my door was still closed. I got a little too hot as I came out of it, because I sleep under a comforter, a down duvet, a blanket and a sheet, so I tossed the lot over by the corner by my shoulder, and they came crashing down on Schu. A few moments later I heard some wriggling and when I looked over, he'd angled himself so that his chin was resting on the overlapped blankets and he was looking right back at me.
I'm hungry. I'm really quite hungry, but I'm loathe to begin the day because Saturdays just fly. Christina and I are going to Sweet Treats for ice cream tonight, and then we're going to walk the park a little and talk. I guess this Saturday is going to fly whether or not I go and eat breakfast. What do I want to do today? Distract myself and be somewhat productive in the process: this means, of course, that I will end up cleaning my room. Not such a bad thing, especially as my clothes are not at all organized right now and there is no room for my jeans.
I actually think that mid 60s to low 70s is about the perfect temperature, because I don't like to wear shorts. I like to get away with jeans and tank tops, or hoodies and flip flops. And the sleeping temperatures have been perfect lately -- cold enough that with the windows open I can just snuggle into my covers and I don't have to try to escape from Schu, who nestles into my legs and radiates heat.
My room is quite far from put-back-together.
There are a lot of things banging around in my head right now, but maybe now is not the time to try and corral them to get them out. They'll just come back anyway. Things are just not the same anymore now that I'm a senior and Justine is a grad student and suddenly there's this huge chasm between us that we're both hesitant about and it's so stupid! SO STUPID. I hate it, hahaha.
Had lunch with Hemler on Thursday. Discovered a number of things that I thought were true and then thought were not true and now they've been confirmed true. Maybe it's bad that I feel vindicated over the whole thing, but I do. Anyway, it was nice. I rode along with her to see her in-progress house in Pompey. It was fun. The sky was pretty - dappled with clouds, white on blue... we rarely see the blue, really, especially since I was away for the summer - and it was nice to just ride.
Riding is sort of calming, weirdly enough. I never thought I'd be someone who could say she clears her head in the car, but I did. It was good. It was nice to catch up.
I dunno... this isn't going anywhere anymore. I should go eat some breakfast and let Saturday fly.
Monday, August 23, 2010
nothing's gonna change my world
I forgot to take that picture of the skyline.
I went to dinner and dessert with my parents, and then accompanied Dessi to her dinner (I was stuffed, so I didn’t eat anything, just sat). Things felt weird, that last night. Things felt really weird.
The dorm had essentially emptied out, its inhabitants having caught flights out after 5pm on Friday, as Margaret had insisted. That deadline ended up being very odd, because by noon on Friday everything was due. This left us with lots of time and nothing to do.
I woke up and felt thoroughly contrary, because I hate change. I went to breakfast with my parents, headed back to get my paper burned to my data CD and my paperwork in order. I took it all upstairs to 4028 and slipped my timesheet into the tray and my CD to Rebecca. Margaret said goodbye to me, which was nice, you know?
Margaret somehow managed to learn my name very quickly over the course of the program. I think it’s a compound thing: she probably wanted to put a face to the name that had been badgering her all summer about this and that via email, and I’m also kind of tall. Not that my height helps anyone remember my name, in any case, but I’m sort of built to stand out. If you see what I did there.
The days feel hazy here. Hazy and misty.
After I turned my papers in, I headed back to the dorm and sat on Paola’s bed as she packed. We watched the first segment of Tin Man (a sort of modern retelling of The Wizard of Oz which has Alan Cumming and Zooey Deschanel in it and is, therefore, compelling), went to lunch at Panera with Dessi, and then Dessi left to go shopping downtown and Paola and I headed back to get her things in order and then watch a little more of Tin Man before she had to catch her taxi.
I hugged her and eventually skipped off to my parents as she caught her taxi; my parents and I packed up most of my room and then drove back to the bed and breakfast where they were staying. We walked back to “downtown Evanston” and had dinner and dessert, and then they headed out and I walked back to the dorm...
... where I tried to update here, but was distracted by a text from Dessi that said she’d be back shortly and did I want to meet her for dinner? So I met her for dinner and we headed back to the dorm to watch about five hours of House, essentially knocking out the highlights of the fifth season.
Finally, after showering and killing time for no real reason except to avoid change – but I should know better than that, because morning comes whether or not I go to bed! – I went to bed around 4, and got up around 8 to have some cereal and pack up my comforter/blanket/sheets/mattress pad. Then Mom and Dad arrived, we bundled the last few things into the van and headed out.
Dad asked me at one point what was the matter, because I didn’t seem myself. I don’t like leaving, and I don’t like change, and I hadn’t had nearly enough sleep. The iced mocha that Dad bought me at the next place we stopped helped a little to brighten my mood, but I spent a long time lying across the back seat in a sort of haze, praying for sleep and having my mind race in circles. Beethoven helped a little!
The new Maroon 5 song is stupidly catchy, just like all of their other stuff. It’s too bad he has such a whiny voice. Lots of whine.
I like looking over and seeing Schubert on the bed. He naps like it’s his job, as usual.
I’m getting my hair trimmed sometime this week. Optimally, tomorrow, but who knows? This is throwing my hair-washing schedule all off... I don’t want to wash it if it’s going to be cut tomorrow, but if it’s going to be cut on Wednesday, can I wait that long? Maybe I should just do Thursday if I can’t do tomorrow. To maintain the schedule, you understand. My hair is getting long and the ends are getting sort of ragged. I have to make sure she doesn’t trim the layers, though, because I need ALL of my hair to grow out to the length where it doesn’t fall out of the clip or hair tie.
My room is still messy because I haven’t yet managed to put everything away. I don’t know where it all goes. It’s not fitting correctly. Sometime this week I have to reconfigure where all of my clothes are kept, because my current system is spectacularly failing.
I feel sad tonight. Things are changing.
I went to dinner and dessert with my parents, and then accompanied Dessi to her dinner (I was stuffed, so I didn’t eat anything, just sat). Things felt weird, that last night. Things felt really weird.
The dorm had essentially emptied out, its inhabitants having caught flights out after 5pm on Friday, as Margaret had insisted. That deadline ended up being very odd, because by noon on Friday everything was due. This left us with lots of time and nothing to do.
I woke up and felt thoroughly contrary, because I hate change. I went to breakfast with my parents, headed back to get my paper burned to my data CD and my paperwork in order. I took it all upstairs to 4028 and slipped my timesheet into the tray and my CD to Rebecca. Margaret said goodbye to me, which was nice, you know?
Margaret somehow managed to learn my name very quickly over the course of the program. I think it’s a compound thing: she probably wanted to put a face to the name that had been badgering her all summer about this and that via email, and I’m also kind of tall. Not that my height helps anyone remember my name, in any case, but I’m sort of built to stand out. If you see what I did there.
The days feel hazy here. Hazy and misty.
After I turned my papers in, I headed back to the dorm and sat on Paola’s bed as she packed. We watched the first segment of Tin Man (a sort of modern retelling of The Wizard of Oz which has Alan Cumming and Zooey Deschanel in it and is, therefore, compelling), went to lunch at Panera with Dessi, and then Dessi left to go shopping downtown and Paola and I headed back to get her things in order and then watch a little more of Tin Man before she had to catch her taxi.
I hugged her and eventually skipped off to my parents as she caught her taxi; my parents and I packed up most of my room and then drove back to the bed and breakfast where they were staying. We walked back to “downtown Evanston” and had dinner and dessert, and then they headed out and I walked back to the dorm...
... where I tried to update here, but was distracted by a text from Dessi that said she’d be back shortly and did I want to meet her for dinner? So I met her for dinner and we headed back to the dorm to watch about five hours of House, essentially knocking out the highlights of the fifth season.
Finally, after showering and killing time for no real reason except to avoid change – but I should know better than that, because morning comes whether or not I go to bed! – I went to bed around 4, and got up around 8 to have some cereal and pack up my comforter/blanket/sheets/mattress pad. Then Mom and Dad arrived, we bundled the last few things into the van and headed out.
Dad asked me at one point what was the matter, because I didn’t seem myself. I don’t like leaving, and I don’t like change, and I hadn’t had nearly enough sleep. The iced mocha that Dad bought me at the next place we stopped helped a little to brighten my mood, but I spent a long time lying across the back seat in a sort of haze, praying for sleep and having my mind race in circles. Beethoven helped a little!
The new Maroon 5 song is stupidly catchy, just like all of their other stuff. It’s too bad he has such a whiny voice. Lots of whine.
I like looking over and seeing Schubert on the bed. He naps like it’s his job, as usual.
I’m getting my hair trimmed sometime this week. Optimally, tomorrow, but who knows? This is throwing my hair-washing schedule all off... I don’t want to wash it if it’s going to be cut tomorrow, but if it’s going to be cut on Wednesday, can I wait that long? Maybe I should just do Thursday if I can’t do tomorrow. To maintain the schedule, you understand. My hair is getting long and the ends are getting sort of ragged. I have to make sure she doesn’t trim the layers, though, because I need ALL of my hair to grow out to the length where it doesn’t fall out of the clip or hair tie.
My room is still messy because I haven’t yet managed to put everything away. I don’t know where it all goes. It’s not fitting correctly. Sometime this week I have to reconfigure where all of my clothes are kept, because my current system is spectacularly failing.
I feel sad tonight. Things are changing.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Ends and Beginnings
Mom and Dad arrived in Evanston tonight. I haven't seen them yet. I'm going to have breakfast with them tomorrow morning.
I finally clipped my fingernails. It's very liberating. I can't exactly explain why it's liberating, but everything feels so much more functional. The biggest difference is the necessary change in orientation of my thumbs when I text on my tiny little QWERTY keyboard. Not such a big difference.
When I get home, I'm going to sleep in my bed with my puppy. On Sunday morning, I'm going to make crepes for Laura and for Christina and for whoever else wants crepes.
But tomorrow, I don't know what I'm going to do. Tomorrow, I am going to turn in my paper, my signed approval form, my final timesheet, and my office key. Tomorrow I'm going to put Mike's movies and Mike's tupperware on Mike's desk. Tomorrow I'm going to do a little more packing. Tomorrow I am going to have breakfast with my parents and lunch with Paola.
Tomorrow everything is going to feel final.
I don't know why I always feel sad when things change. There came a point during this program when I was ready to come home. There came a time when I was frustrated and confused and felt terribly, terribly alone. And now I'm starting to feel all nostalgic, pointing out to myself that this is the last time I'm going to do that, and this is the last time I'm going to see this.
I still want a picture of the Chicago skyline at night across the lake. Since I have one more night here, I might get it tomorrow night. I hope I remember.
The room looks progressively barer as I pick things up and pack them away. It's weird for me to leave. Things feel familiar here now; does that mean that for a disorienting one or two days, things will feel alien at ESF? Will I not fit back the way I used to?
One always wonders about these things.
So here I am, tired and needing to go to sleep to wake up in order to see my parents over breakfast in the morning, and I'm trying to somehow make this bizarre pent-up emotion in me spill out into writing. The fact that it isn't exactly working makes me think that maybe the emotion I'm feeling isn't something I want to face right now.
It's all wrapped up with my future.
I think maybe I'll sign off now, because I'm tired and getting to where I feel like I could just drop off, and the later it gets, the more likely I am to get emotional over something stupid, like leaving this place after having been here for a summer.
I need to figure out how to make these feelings come out to play.
I finally clipped my fingernails. It's very liberating. I can't exactly explain why it's liberating, but everything feels so much more functional. The biggest difference is the necessary change in orientation of my thumbs when I text on my tiny little QWERTY keyboard. Not such a big difference.
When I get home, I'm going to sleep in my bed with my puppy. On Sunday morning, I'm going to make crepes for Laura and for Christina and for whoever else wants crepes.
But tomorrow, I don't know what I'm going to do. Tomorrow, I am going to turn in my paper, my signed approval form, my final timesheet, and my office key. Tomorrow I'm going to put Mike's movies and Mike's tupperware on Mike's desk. Tomorrow I'm going to do a little more packing. Tomorrow I am going to have breakfast with my parents and lunch with Paola.
Tomorrow everything is going to feel final.
I don't know why I always feel sad when things change. There came a point during this program when I was ready to come home. There came a time when I was frustrated and confused and felt terribly, terribly alone. And now I'm starting to feel all nostalgic, pointing out to myself that this is the last time I'm going to do that, and this is the last time I'm going to see this.
I still want a picture of the Chicago skyline at night across the lake. Since I have one more night here, I might get it tomorrow night. I hope I remember.
The room looks progressively barer as I pick things up and pack them away. It's weird for me to leave. Things feel familiar here now; does that mean that for a disorienting one or two days, things will feel alien at ESF? Will I not fit back the way I used to?
One always wonders about these things.
So here I am, tired and needing to go to sleep to wake up in order to see my parents over breakfast in the morning, and I'm trying to somehow make this bizarre pent-up emotion in me spill out into writing. The fact that it isn't exactly working makes me think that maybe the emotion I'm feeling isn't something I want to face right now.
It's all wrapped up with my future.
I think maybe I'll sign off now, because I'm tired and getting to where I feel like I could just drop off, and the later it gets, the more likely I am to get emotional over something stupid, like leaving this place after having been here for a summer.
I need to figure out how to make these feelings come out to play.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Today's Update the Second
Well, I should be officially finishing up my paper. I am not so enthusiastic about officially finishing up my paper.
Today when I was filtering some last ligand, Chaiya and I had a little conversation.
Chaiya: So, Shannon, you’re almost done, huh?
Me: Yep, it’s getting close!
Chaiya: When’s your last day?
Me: Friday!
Chaiya: Oh, that’s sad. We’ll miss you.
Me: Aw. I’ll miss you guys too. Do we hug now?
Chaiya: NO. It’s not Friday.
Hahahaha I think there are some things I will miss about not having a real lab group like this one.
I talked to Laura on the phone for a while tonight. It was nice. We are clearly both getting impatient about me being here on the cusp of coming home and her there on the cusp of leaving. At least we get three days of overlap. It’s better than zero days of overlap.
I ran through my presentation again. It took me 11 minutes with some stalling at the beginning... but I am talking at the speed of light. This worries me, because if I know that I have to talk fast, I’m afraid I’ll talk way way way too fast when I actually have to give the real presentation.
I need to clip my nails. I think I said that before, but they are really starting to impede my typing skills. I need my typing skills to remain good, because they help my failing self-esteem when texting goes awry. I really should have thought about how tiny my phone’s QWERTY keys were before I bought it. But I really love this phone, despite the fact that it’s open-face instead of flip.
They don’t make nice flip phones anymore. I also think I was a faster texter when I had T9. Oh well. Every once in a while I think about pulling out my old phone and sticking the SIM card into it just to try T9 again, but I think at this point I probably can’t do it at all anymore. Shame.
Anyway, that’s hardly the point. The point is Hemler. Hey, weird, I’ve never talked about her here. I mean, not for real, anyway. I’m supposed to be moving past that part of my life, you know? I’m supposed to be growing up. And she is so confusing.
She caught Laura in the parking lot at Walmart (random!) and told her to tell me to call her so I can catch up with her before my classes start. I’m supposed to text her, or call her, or something, so we can go eat food that she can stubbornly pay for as always. I can practically predict her justification: “it’s to celebrate that you had a really awesome job this summer!”
Which is, of course, exactly why I should pay for once. But she is one stubborn lady. And I miss talking to her, which is weird, because I feel like I never have anything to say. But I feel like that most of the time. I think I do more listening than I do talking, most of the time, and then I go to talk about something and feel like it pales in comparison to whatever has been being talked about. I think I’m better at being interesting in writing than I am in purpose.
You, loyal readers, are probably reading that and wondering how boring it is possible for one person to be, but just remember that sometimes I have crises about dropping my earbuds in a public toilet. Yes, yes I do.
So anyway, I’m wondering what to do about it. I do want to meet up with her and eat food and heck, maybe even see a movie because we did that once and it was pretty fun in a totally bizarre way. I think because I still love her more than I should, I’m going to call or text when I get home, but I might not even have the patience for that. She’s always been good to talk to, and now that I’ve been away all summer, I’ll have stuff to talk to her about.
I don’t know. She tends to do things like this, though, get my hopes all up about everything, and then ditches me. And even though I know it’s coming, it’s difficult. It kinda bums me out for a few days. So maybe this will work, but it’ll have to wait until after Laura leaves (I hate to type that, ugh).
Laura’s life and my life are oddly symmetrical right now.
Things to do:
+ Christina
- WEGMANS + overnight!!
- Boom Boom Mex Mex
- Everything on Marshall Street
- I forget the rest but I think she has it under control
+ Justine
- Supernaturalapalooza
+ Laura
- SYTYCD
- Mika!
- FlashForward
- EVERYTHING PERIOD
Okay so it looks like... I am going to be watching a lot of television. Well that’s okay. Television is good.
Today when I was filtering some last ligand, Chaiya and I had a little conversation.
Chaiya: So, Shannon, you’re almost done, huh?
Me: Yep, it’s getting close!
Chaiya: When’s your last day?
Me: Friday!
Chaiya: Oh, that’s sad. We’ll miss you.
Me: Aw. I’ll miss you guys too. Do we hug now?
Chaiya: NO. It’s not Friday.
Hahahaha I think there are some things I will miss about not having a real lab group like this one.
I talked to Laura on the phone for a while tonight. It was nice. We are clearly both getting impatient about me being here on the cusp of coming home and her there on the cusp of leaving. At least we get three days of overlap. It’s better than zero days of overlap.
I ran through my presentation again. It took me 11 minutes with some stalling at the beginning... but I am talking at the speed of light. This worries me, because if I know that I have to talk fast, I’m afraid I’ll talk way way way too fast when I actually have to give the real presentation.
I need to clip my nails. I think I said that before, but they are really starting to impede my typing skills. I need my typing skills to remain good, because they help my failing self-esteem when texting goes awry. I really should have thought about how tiny my phone’s QWERTY keys were before I bought it. But I really love this phone, despite the fact that it’s open-face instead of flip.
They don’t make nice flip phones anymore. I also think I was a faster texter when I had T9. Oh well. Every once in a while I think about pulling out my old phone and sticking the SIM card into it just to try T9 again, but I think at this point I probably can’t do it at all anymore. Shame.
Anyway, that’s hardly the point. The point is Hemler. Hey, weird, I’ve never talked about her here. I mean, not for real, anyway. I’m supposed to be moving past that part of my life, you know? I’m supposed to be growing up. And she is so confusing.
She caught Laura in the parking lot at Walmart (random!) and told her to tell me to call her so I can catch up with her before my classes start. I’m supposed to text her, or call her, or something, so we can go eat food that she can stubbornly pay for as always. I can practically predict her justification: “it’s to celebrate that you had a really awesome job this summer!”
Which is, of course, exactly why I should pay for once. But she is one stubborn lady. And I miss talking to her, which is weird, because I feel like I never have anything to say. But I feel like that most of the time. I think I do more listening than I do talking, most of the time, and then I go to talk about something and feel like it pales in comparison to whatever has been being talked about. I think I’m better at being interesting in writing than I am in purpose.
You, loyal readers, are probably reading that and wondering how boring it is possible for one person to be, but just remember that sometimes I have crises about dropping my earbuds in a public toilet. Yes, yes I do.
So anyway, I’m wondering what to do about it. I do want to meet up with her and eat food and heck, maybe even see a movie because we did that once and it was pretty fun in a totally bizarre way. I think because I still love her more than I should, I’m going to call or text when I get home, but I might not even have the patience for that. She’s always been good to talk to, and now that I’ve been away all summer, I’ll have stuff to talk to her about.
I don’t know. She tends to do things like this, though, get my hopes all up about everything, and then ditches me. And even though I know it’s coming, it’s difficult. It kinda bums me out for a few days. So maybe this will work, but it’ll have to wait until after Laura leaves (I hate to type that, ugh).
Laura’s life and my life are oddly symmetrical right now.
Things to do:
+ Christina
- WEGMANS + overnight!!
- Boom Boom Mex Mex
- Everything on Marshall Street
- I forget the rest but I think she has it under control
+ Justine
- Supernaturalapalooza
+ Laura
- SYTYCD
- Mika!
- FlashForward
- EVERYTHING PERIOD
Okay so it looks like... I am going to be watching a lot of television. Well that’s okay. Television is good.
The lab floor is cleaned and waxed.
I forgot that it was going to happen. It’s really quite striking. I walked into lab today after sitting through four hours of presentations (that’s half of them) from the program. It was actually visually stunning – for some reason, the lack of chemical buildup and gunk on the floor makes the lab look brand new. I am impressed.
Presentations were boring. I wish I’d been scheduled for today, because now I have one more night to sit around and think about what I’m going to say. It might end up being a good thing, though, because I think I need to make sure that I’m close to 12 minutes... I think I’m closer to 13. Talk fast and enunciate.
I’d prefer to be able to take my time but unfortunately I just have too much stuff to cram into 12 minutes.
So the program is coming to a close, and I’d be much better equipped to know whether or not I’m sorry about that if there wasn’t all this STUFF due. Frankly, it’s a little overwhelming in a familiar way. And yet again, I come to the end of the summer somehow expecting the coming school year to be a break.
A break from what? A break from summer?
I’m so dumb sometimes, hahaha. I wish I could just not expect it. I know that next week I will probably be barraged by emails about tutoring and TAing and whatever else I’m supposed to be organizing. I have to get on top of my life.
A break from no-strings-attached research? A break from working 9:30 – 5:30 and then saying “hey, what the heck, I think I’ll go do something fun!”
Seriously. It’s kind of depressing to think about. Tonight I have to rewrite my abstract and touch up the results and approach a bit, since I’ve finally managed to make myself put the images into the paper. Once I do that, I’ll be free. Well, sort of free. Brad should probably read my paper at some point.
It’s sort of depressing to realize that it’s not over when I give my presentation.
My fingernails are too long.
I miss Christina, Justine, and my family. Too much of the unfamiliar is addling my brain, and I need to go jump back into the open arms of my people in good old boring Syracuse, New York, where the sun doesn’t shine but boy does it snow and there’s not much to do but at least I can shave in the shower.
I forgot that it was going to happen. It’s really quite striking. I walked into lab today after sitting through four hours of presentations (that’s half of them) from the program. It was actually visually stunning – for some reason, the lack of chemical buildup and gunk on the floor makes the lab look brand new. I am impressed.
Presentations were boring. I wish I’d been scheduled for today, because now I have one more night to sit around and think about what I’m going to say. It might end up being a good thing, though, because I think I need to make sure that I’m close to 12 minutes... I think I’m closer to 13. Talk fast and enunciate.
I’d prefer to be able to take my time but unfortunately I just have too much stuff to cram into 12 minutes.
So the program is coming to a close, and I’d be much better equipped to know whether or not I’m sorry about that if there wasn’t all this STUFF due. Frankly, it’s a little overwhelming in a familiar way. And yet again, I come to the end of the summer somehow expecting the coming school year to be a break.
A break from what? A break from summer?
I’m so dumb sometimes, hahaha. I wish I could just not expect it. I know that next week I will probably be barraged by emails about tutoring and TAing and whatever else I’m supposed to be organizing. I have to get on top of my life.
A break from no-strings-attached research? A break from working 9:30 – 5:30 and then saying “hey, what the heck, I think I’ll go do something fun!”
Seriously. It’s kind of depressing to think about. Tonight I have to rewrite my abstract and touch up the results and approach a bit, since I’ve finally managed to make myself put the images into the paper. Once I do that, I’ll be free. Well, sort of free. Brad should probably read my paper at some point.
It’s sort of depressing to realize that it’s not over when I give my presentation.
My fingernails are too long.
I miss Christina, Justine, and my family. Too much of the unfamiliar is addling my brain, and I need to go jump back into the open arms of my people in good old boring Syracuse, New York, where the sun doesn’t shine but boy does it snow and there’s not much to do but at least I can shave in the shower.
Monday, August 2, 2010
One Pathetic Story
I need to start remembering to bring one of my other notebooks – my non-lab-official notebooks – so that I can actually sit around and write on something without staring at the computer screen. And to make sure my handwriting is still a-okay. This was easier at ESF because I live out of that lab nowadays; it’s more convenient than the locker downstairs in Moon, which is still pretty convenient.
So I’ve murdered another pair of earbuds. I mean, it was bound to happen: earbuds and I unfortunately do not mix. These were on the way out for a while, and I’m not too horribly broken up about it. I mean, something about a $6 pair from Big Lots doesn’t exactly inspire confidence, but I was desperate to use my mp3 player OUTSIDE of the car as well.
Plus I think at that point I was running column after column after column… that’ll make you crazy if you don’t take the proper precautions!
So last Friday was the REU/RET picnic, which started at 11:00am. So around 10:50 I poured some more of this chromic acid oxidation mixture into the filter (I have had enough of fine frits for the rest of my life), changed into capris and flipflops (not wearing jeans and sneakers to the beach, thank-you-very-much), found Paola and Brad, and headed down (well, up, I guess) to North Beach.
We got there and there was no food, which we were only slightly put out about. We stood around and talked to each other. We hiked back in to where the food was supposed to be – apparently they’re not allowed to serve food on the actual beach – and Margaret was not happy at all about the wait on the food.
When the food came, it was boxed lunches, and the sandwiches were pretty gross. I ate probably 85% of mine before giving up, and I had the fruit cups (I picked around the grapes) and passed on the chips. They had rice krispy treats, which was nice in a third grade sort of way. But hey, I have nothing against third grade.
Then we tossed around a frisbee, some people played volleyball, they took some pictures… and eventually I headed back to lab, because after all, there are only two more weeks of research left, then one of clean up and presentations, and then it’s over. Which is crazy. But I digress.
As I was changing back into my jeans, I had then upside-down at one point, and I was quite fixated on being sure that my debit card did not fall out of my pocket (I was, of course, changing in a bathroom stall). I heard a plink, and immediately my hand flew to the back pocket that had had my debit card in it. I have no idea why I didn’t just invert my jeans so that they would be the right way up.
My debit card was still in my pocket, so naturally that begs the question: what fell? I looked around a bit, and didn’t see anything on the floor. And then I saw something perched happily on the floor of the toilet.
Now the thing you have to understand about my earbuds is that they were seriously dying. They were the kind that has the doughnut-shaped rubbed inserts for your ears, so that the sound is funneled in and they tend to be more comfortable because the rubber is flexible. So the earbuds – both of them – had broken in half along the poorly made seam, where I had half-speaker and half-insert. The speakers are, of course, connected to the headphones’ cord. The inserts are not, so I keep them in my pocket.
By this point, the speakers had also come undone from their hemispherical docks, and were dangling from the ends of the exposed wire. Earlier in the week, I had managed to somehow rip one of the speakers (just a flat, dull silver disk of a thing) from its mooring, so the right earbud is useless. Therefore I had started carrying around only one insert, for the left side.
For whatever reason, it really, really bothers me to have an earbud in and no sound coming from it. It makes me feel all lopsided, and just taking the earbud out makes it better. Maybe it’s a control thing. I don’t know.
But anyway, I had just one insert with me. It had been in my right pocket, and it was now sitting on the floor of the toilet, grinning up at me with its doughnut face. I was quite perturbed, and tried to figure out what to do.
Should I save it? Should I put my pants on first? Do I really want to stick my hand and wrist and possibly part of my forearm into a public toilet (flushed, of course, I’m not THAT gross) just to save an insert when I already have one more and I don’t use more than one at a time anymore? If I do happen to save it, do I want to put that in my ear? Will I get some sort of terrible coliform-carried inner ear infection which will destroy my ability to walk?
Eventually I decided to put my pants on. Clearly, with pants on, I could make a sound decision. I would be the one wearing the pants in this relationship.
As I put them on, I turned to the side. These are little stalls, you understand. And as I did, I heard the tell-tale pre-whooshing noise that is the harbinger of you’ve-presumably-left-now-so-I’m-going-to-flush watery doom in these automatic toilets. I turned around and watched helplessly as the insert, no longer grinning but certainly silently screaming, was sent down to some wastewater treatment plant where the coliforms are killed off by chlorination and the like.
For a moment, I was frustrated. And then I started to laugh – and to desperately hope that I would never have tried to retrieve that insert anyway, even if the automatic flush had not saved me from a potentially poor decision. So then I finished putting my pants on, and my shoes on, and resigned myself to a Mika-less afternoon in lab.
Good times. I’m ridiculous.
My left knee really hurts today, and my lower back is threatening to ache and I really have no idea why my body is upset with me, but whatever. There’s not much to be done in lab today. I wish I could find Brad, though, because with only two weeks of real research left, I’d like to go out with a bang.
Of course, first I had to relate the story. I have one insert left. That’s all I need.
And by the way, that chromic acid oxidation... oh well, a story for another day.
So I’ve murdered another pair of earbuds. I mean, it was bound to happen: earbuds and I unfortunately do not mix. These were on the way out for a while, and I’m not too horribly broken up about it. I mean, something about a $6 pair from Big Lots doesn’t exactly inspire confidence, but I was desperate to use my mp3 player OUTSIDE of the car as well.
Plus I think at that point I was running column after column after column… that’ll make you crazy if you don’t take the proper precautions!
So last Friday was the REU/RET picnic, which started at 11:00am. So around 10:50 I poured some more of this chromic acid oxidation mixture into the filter (I have had enough of fine frits for the rest of my life), changed into capris and flipflops (not wearing jeans and sneakers to the beach, thank-you-very-much), found Paola and Brad, and headed down (well, up, I guess) to North Beach.
We got there and there was no food, which we were only slightly put out about. We stood around and talked to each other. We hiked back in to where the food was supposed to be – apparently they’re not allowed to serve food on the actual beach – and Margaret was not happy at all about the wait on the food.
When the food came, it was boxed lunches, and the sandwiches were pretty gross. I ate probably 85% of mine before giving up, and I had the fruit cups (I picked around the grapes) and passed on the chips. They had rice krispy treats, which was nice in a third grade sort of way. But hey, I have nothing against third grade.
Then we tossed around a frisbee, some people played volleyball, they took some pictures… and eventually I headed back to lab, because after all, there are only two more weeks of research left, then one of clean up and presentations, and then it’s over. Which is crazy. But I digress.
As I was changing back into my jeans, I had then upside-down at one point, and I was quite fixated on being sure that my debit card did not fall out of my pocket (I was, of course, changing in a bathroom stall). I heard a plink, and immediately my hand flew to the back pocket that had had my debit card in it. I have no idea why I didn’t just invert my jeans so that they would be the right way up.
My debit card was still in my pocket, so naturally that begs the question: what fell? I looked around a bit, and didn’t see anything on the floor. And then I saw something perched happily on the floor of the toilet.
Now the thing you have to understand about my earbuds is that they were seriously dying. They were the kind that has the doughnut-shaped rubbed inserts for your ears, so that the sound is funneled in and they tend to be more comfortable because the rubber is flexible. So the earbuds – both of them – had broken in half along the poorly made seam, where I had half-speaker and half-insert. The speakers are, of course, connected to the headphones’ cord. The inserts are not, so I keep them in my pocket.
By this point, the speakers had also come undone from their hemispherical docks, and were dangling from the ends of the exposed wire. Earlier in the week, I had managed to somehow rip one of the speakers (just a flat, dull silver disk of a thing) from its mooring, so the right earbud is useless. Therefore I had started carrying around only one insert, for the left side.
For whatever reason, it really, really bothers me to have an earbud in and no sound coming from it. It makes me feel all lopsided, and just taking the earbud out makes it better. Maybe it’s a control thing. I don’t know.
But anyway, I had just one insert with me. It had been in my right pocket, and it was now sitting on the floor of the toilet, grinning up at me with its doughnut face. I was quite perturbed, and tried to figure out what to do.
Should I save it? Should I put my pants on first? Do I really want to stick my hand and wrist and possibly part of my forearm into a public toilet (flushed, of course, I’m not THAT gross) just to save an insert when I already have one more and I don’t use more than one at a time anymore? If I do happen to save it, do I want to put that in my ear? Will I get some sort of terrible coliform-carried inner ear infection which will destroy my ability to walk?
Eventually I decided to put my pants on. Clearly, with pants on, I could make a sound decision. I would be the one wearing the pants in this relationship.
As I put them on, I turned to the side. These are little stalls, you understand. And as I did, I heard the tell-tale pre-whooshing noise that is the harbinger of you’ve-presumably-left-now-so-I’m-going-to-flush watery doom in these automatic toilets. I turned around and watched helplessly as the insert, no longer grinning but certainly silently screaming, was sent down to some wastewater treatment plant where the coliforms are killed off by chlorination and the like.
For a moment, I was frustrated. And then I started to laugh – and to desperately hope that I would never have tried to retrieve that insert anyway, even if the automatic flush had not saved me from a potentially poor decision. So then I finished putting my pants on, and my shoes on, and resigned myself to a Mika-less afternoon in lab.
Good times. I’m ridiculous.
My left knee really hurts today, and my lower back is threatening to ache and I really have no idea why my body is upset with me, but whatever. There’s not much to be done in lab today. I wish I could find Brad, though, because with only two weeks of real research left, I’d like to go out with a bang.
Of course, first I had to relate the story. I have one insert left. That’s all I need.
And by the way, that chromic acid oxidation... oh well, a story for another day.
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